Let’s forget that unfunny jabber about dragons.
You might remember that services like Quiz Your Friends were popular at the turn of the century. Our dormitory got into it. While most of my floor mates sent around what were essentially trivia questions about themselves, I concocted a true Vivek Aptitude Test. You were meant to answer the questions as if you were me. Here’s one of them:
What number comes next in this series?
1, 2, 4, _
The answer is obviously b. I love geometric expansion (rather than arithmetic) and you should know this about me. My friends hated the quiz and most failed, but we can talk about that another time.
Anyway, on this page is a similar test question, except penned by an older and therefore more sociopathic version of me. Clearly, I had finished university:
I’m in a restaurant. The waiter asks me have I been to this restaurant before. I respond with:
- a) Tears
- b) “Will that affect the quality of service I’m about to receive?”
- c) “Yes, but not to eat and not while you were open.”
- d) “No. And I never will.”
I wrote this years ago, and even I’m stumped. Though I may not be comprised of any of the same molecules of the writer of this question (I’ve been watching too much Nova, and I don’t apologize), we share the same memories and recorded humiliations. As such, I’m pulling rank and adding a new answer, viz., the correct one:
- e) “Many, many times. And I’ll have the New York steak, medium-rare, mashed potatoes on the side. Thanks, Manny.” (Even though I’ve never been to the restaurant, and they serve sushi, and the waitron is an 18-year-old girl named Eileen.)
Nothing but net.